Movie Review: American Pie Presents: Girls’ Rules

PLOT:

It’s Senior year at East Great Falls. Annie, Kayla, Michelle, and Stephanie decide to harness their girl power and band together to get what they want their last year of high school.

REVIEW:

What did I like?

Continuity. This is the 9th film in the American Pie franchise. From the outside, it doesn’t resemble the other films, other than it is a sex comedy, but if you look closely, there a little Easter eggs that remind you this is in a continuation of the universe. Starting with one of the main characters Stephanie Stifler, a Tall Oaks band camp flag in someone’s room, lacrosse team, etc. The only thing missing was Jim’s dad.

Sara smile. Most of the roles I’ve seen Sara Rue in have her as a sweetheart. This was a bit of a departure for her. She’s still unbelievably likable, but also a complete nympho. No, she isn’t as bad as the quartet of girls that the film centers around, but it is obvious she has a voracious, insatiable sexual appetite. Hell, we meet her in a sex shop giving advice to two of the girls on what product to buy!!!

Let’s talk about sex. A common misconception is that only boys talk about sex. Make no mistake, females are just as dirty as the boys when it comes to the topic. If they weren’t, we wouldn’t have pornstars, right? I don’t think this film went as far as the original films. As a matter of fact, I would have liked it better if they pushed those limits a bit further, but #metoo, I suppose.

What didn’t I like?

Like. Of the four main characters, 1 is lovable, 1 is likable, 1 is deplorable, and the final one is…well, she’s a Stifler. If you’re familiar with this franchise, you know what to expect from her. That doesn’t excuse why the others aren’t immediately endearing. I’m not saying these girls need to be sugar and spice and everything nice, but the viewer doesn’t need to despise them. Aside from the “nice” girls, there is one that hacks her boyfriend’s phone, sneaks into a boy’s room at a party and takes pictures on his bed in his lacrosse uniform. Even with her “redemption” at film’s end, I couldn’t bring myself to care.

Predictable. Once all the characters, conflicts, and plotlines were setup, it is more than obvious what is going to happen. If you’re expecting a surprise, don’t get your hopes up because everything plays out the way you think it will. One can literally tell when things are going to happen, it is so predictable.

Why, just why? I was under the impression that this franchise ended with American Reunion, but I guess the studio wanted to squeeze whatever was left out of this franchise. I have to question the decision, though. No one asked for this and from what I’ve heard and read…well, that pie has gone rancid.

Final verdict:

Final thoughts on American Pie Presents: Girls’ Rules? I don’t really have much to say about this. The magic that made this franchise work originally, is either gone or from a bygone era. The filmmakers try to recapture that formula with female protagonists and I commend them for not making a big girl power thing, this thing was dead on arrival. One would be better served finding one of the earlier (superior) films.

2 out of 5 stars

Movie Review: Desperado

PLOT:

Director Robert Rodriguez picks up where his successful independent debut El Mariachi left off with this slam-bang South of the Border action saga. Bucho (Joaquim DeAlmeida) is a wealthy but casually bloodthirsty drug kingpin who rules a seedy Mexican border town. Bucho and his men make the mistake of angering El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas), a former musician who now carries an arsenal in his guitar case. Bucho was responsible for the death of El Mariachi’s girlfriend and put a bullet through his fretting hand, making him unable to play the guitar. Bent on revenge, the musician-turned-killing machine arrives in town to put Bucho out of business, though he finds few allies except for Carolina (Salma Hayek), who runs a bookstore that doesn’t seem to attract many readers.

REVIEW:

What did I like?

En fuego. This was made in the early-mid 90s, a time when Antonio Banderas’ star was just starting to rise and we were introduced to a young, hot, curvaceous Latina actress by the name of Salma Hayek. The chemistry between these two is off the charts, so much so one has to wonder two things. First, is there something actually going on between them and second, why haven’t we had more pairings of these two. As far as I know the only other time they have been together is as voice actors for Puss in Boots. At any rate, watching the fire these two make together will surely get your pulse racing, and that’s long before they even get to the bedroom scene!!!

Shoot ’em up! Who doesn’t love a good shootout, right? As a fan of old westerns, I was all but raised on scenes like this, so of course this was a bright spot for me. What makes it really standout, however, is the creative use of weaponry. Sure there is the traditional pulling guns from the holsters, but have you ever seen a bazooka in a guitar case? How about a small arsenal hidden under a fake guitar in another guitar case? No, well, those are just a couple of the innovations you can find watching this flick. Now, don’t get me started on how bloody brilliant the violence throughout the picture is…emphasis on bloody!

Keep it simple, stupid. If you listen to these grumpy old directors that are coming out of the woodwork lately bashing superhero films, you’d think it was a deadly sin to make a film that is just fun. They seem to believe every film is supposed to make your brain go a million miles a minute. I hate to inform them that audiences just want an escape, especially in today’s world. This is what this film excels in. The plot is a very simplistic case of revenge. Nothing more, nothing less. Sometimes that’s all you need.

What didn’t I like?

Down time. There is something to be said in action flicks for scenes where things slow down. The calm before the storm, if you will. What doesn’t work in these situations, though, is when said scenes all but grind the picture to a halt. Now, this film doesn’t suffer from this as much as some other films, but it is a noticeable yellow light for the rapid pace it was on, mostly spurred on by the antagonist, which was odd.

Tell me a story. Earlier, I praised this film’s simplicity. I do not back down from that sentiment, but I do have a small issue with the lack of a story. Granted, this is a sequel to a film I’ve only seen one time and that was many years ago on late night TV as I was studying for a test in college. Much of the story that is lacking I feel was covered in the previous film. Still, there could have been a few more story beats in this grand tale of bloody revenge.

Just when I was starting to like the guy. Not to spoil anything, but if you start to like a character in this film, I suggest you not get attached, save for our protagonist. There is a very high body count that gets racked up in a short amount of time, including some rather big name actors that appear. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, other than it being a trope that many films tend to gravitate toward. That is luring the audience into a false sense of security with a character, mostly due to the actor playing them, and then kill them off. Personally, I don’t care for it.

Final verdict.

Desperado is an underrated gem. Why is this? Is it because Banderas, Hayek, as we all as director Robert Rodriguez have gone on to bigger things? Perhaps, but I think this is just a product of its time. Watching the film, you can’t really tell if it is set in the past or present day, save for the cell phones they use, which usually leads to film having staying power or a legacy. The mystery will continue, though. For me, I love this film! Nothing more exciting to me than just mindless violence as an escape from the weight of the world. As a bonus, Salma Hayek. Need I say more?!? Seriously, though, this is a film that is worth watching if you’re not into the heavy stuff. Give it a shot sometime!

5 out of 5 stars